The American Death Ceremony
death ceremony started as a crude ritual, back in the
days of witchcraft. In recent years it has been developed
into a science. It usually takes from 10 to 15 years,
however modern scientific advancements are shortening
this period of time.
starts with one simple aspirin for a simple headache.
When the one aspirin will no longer cover up the headache,
take two. After a few months, when two aspirin will no
longer cover up the headache, you take one of the stronger
compounds. By this time it becomes necessary to take something
for the ulcers that have been caused by the aspirin. Now
that you are taking two medicines, you have a good start.
After a few months these medications will disrupt your
liver function. If a good infection develops, you can
take some penicillin. Of course the penicillin will damage
your red blood corpuscles and spleen so that you develop
anemia. Another medication is then taken to cover up the
anemia. By this time all of these medications will put
such a strain on your kidneys they should break down.
It is now time to take some antibiotics. When these destroy
your natural resistance to disease, you can expect a general
flair-up of all of your symptoms. The next step is to
cover up all of these symptoms with sulfa drugs. When
the kidneys finally plug up you can have them drained.
Some poisons will build up in your system but you can
keep going quite a while this way.
By now the
medications will be so confused they won't know what they
are supposed to be doing, but it doesn't really matter.
If you have followed every step as directed you can now
make an appointment with your undertaker.
is played by practically all Americans, except for the
few ignorant souls who follow nature.
By Dr. L.I.